Be a good friend. When your friend leaves an abusive relationship, delete/unfollow/unfriend their abuser. Don’t give them anymore activity. When they leave, leave with them. Be their support system. You cannot be neutral when someone was abused.
listen i understand mocking the ace “‘discourse.”’ most of the arguments are stupid and i mock them too. and i understand thinking it’s not a big deal, especially if u aren’t involved, but i have literally seen discourse blogs telling aces to drink bleach, to get raped, to slit their wrists, etc.
when the trevor project announced they were adding asexual education, and an asexual dialogue to their suicide hotline script, ppl protested it. they were more willing to let ace teens think they were broken and alone, than letting them know they aren’t freaks of nature. they were more willing to let ace teens kill themselves, than just add a single paragraph to a script. they were more willing to let asexuals be pressured into sexual activities they don’t want to do, because they don’t understand why they’re different and they think they have to change.
i’ve seen asexuality called “a toxic abyss,” a fake orientation, “special snowflake syndrome,” “nothing but internalized homophobia” and a cry for attention, “a stain on the community” and more.
i’ve been told “but ur too hot to be asexual!” when i come out to ppl. or that i couldn’t REALLY be asexual because i’ve had sex, and am in a relationship. i’ve had strangers (in most cases, non ace strangers) try to tell me i’m wrong about what asexuality is, and then redefine it themselves.
i’ve seen ace rape and abuse victims told that they deserved it, or that their trauma doesn’t count as acephobia because some stranger on the internet disagrees.
the minute anyone makes a post about their experience being asexual, it’s only a matter of time before it’s hijacked by non ace ppl trying to “put us in our place.”
we aren’t allowed to make positivity posts about how happy and proud we are to be ace, because then suddenly every mention of acephobia is a lie since clearly being asexual is a party.
we aren’t allowed to be depressed or negative about our asexuality, wishing our minds and bodies weren’t so complicated, because then we’re looking for pity and attention, which we don’t deserve.
we aren’t allowed to be angry when someone insults us or demeans our sexuality or excludes us from the community, because then we’re homophobic and attacking all non ace lgbt folks.
we aren’t allowed to feel scared for our safety or nervous about coming out, because “x group has it worse. not wanting to have sex isn’t the same.”
we aren’t allowed to feel set apart and ostracized by an over sexualized society and lgbta+ community, because then we’re all homophobic and slut shaming and equating all gay ppl to deviants, even though we never actually do.
and heaven help any non ace lgbt person who stands up for us, because their own community will be lightning fast at tearing them apart for their “betrayal.”
so like, i get thinking the discourse is stupid. it is. it shouldn’t be happening and i can for the most part at this point ignore it. but for a lot of younger, more influenced, confused and vulnerable aces, this is something they have to deal with everyday. this is something they see everyday. and it’s not as simple as “well just turn off the computer and leave” because for most of us, this website is the only semblance of an asexual community we have. i don’t know any other asexuals in real life. I wouldn’t know how to meet them (gay bars\clubs aren’t really the average asexual’s scene, although of course some of us do enjoy them.) for younger aces, it’s even harder. we don’t have a large community of our own, and we hardly have any sort of resources. tumblr is a safe haven for many of us. or it could be, but these ppl–these bullies–flood our tags with porn, they track our tags so they can hijack our posts, they flood our inboxes and DMS with hate, they change their URLs when we block them, so they can keep harassing us. they aren’t that easy to ignore.
this isn’t like fandom hate, or at least most of what i’ve seen. this is attacking on an even more personal fundamental level.
so yeah, make fun of the discourse. it’s easy, it’s fun, i do it too. but i just want u all to be aware of what it actually is. it’s not just dumb cake memes or “maybe the gay people are the real homophobes.” it’s harassment, it’s erasure, it’s hate.
One thing that really gets me about today’s society is how emotional/psychological child abuse is normalized and even celebrated.
I’ve noticed a phenomenon of parents getting together and talking about how they’re such a Mean Mom or Mean Dad and how they’re raising their children to be respectful. They talk about destroying their children’s possessions, isolating them, humiliating them, and/or publicly shaming them.
And when these people hear about, say, a parent smashing a kid’s phone for not cleaning their room or burning their possessions or filming a punishment or embarrassing moment and putting it up on social media, they commend the parents for “teaching the kids a lesson”.
Why the fuck do we, as a society, think this is okay?
It doesn’t teach kids valuable life lessons, it teaches them to be scared of repercussions. It’s bullying and child abuse and for some reason, people think that’s commendable.
Whenever I hear people saying “haha I bet that 14 year old learned a lesson”, it instantly makes me suspicious of them. I will instantly think of you as either a potential child abuser or a child abuse enabler.
As a survivor of psychological abuse, people dismissing this behavior as “harmless life lessons” makes me wonder if it really was abuse. If I deserved it. If I really deserved to have my pet’s life threatened because I was a liar.
It’s not cute. It’s not “good parenting”. It’s intimidating, shaming, and traumatizing your child into compliance.
This is the same shit as back when physical child abuse was accepted. People can’t legally whip their kids anymore so they’re turning to the next best way to abuse them. Verbally/mentally/emotionally. Abuse hasn’t left parenting, its just changed forms.
i’m mentally ill too but fucking listen to me here. you need to take responsibility for your actions regardless of whether or not they’re a product of your mental illness. you don’t get to manipulate, gaslight, take advantage of, or straight up abuse people because you’re mentally ill! you don’t! what the fuck! why are some of you still thinking it’s okay to say things like “manipulation is okay because i have _____ and need attention from my significant other”. oh my god. Don’t fucking do that
